I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
