I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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