Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
