So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My ass is underappreciated
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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