what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
