He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize