Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
