you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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