I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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