even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You took a bar mat shot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
