I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
