i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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