she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
