where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
