Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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