After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
