she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
