how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
