lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
