finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
