I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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