I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
