Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
