I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
