Ambien. No doubt about it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
