Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
