Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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