She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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