I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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