I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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