Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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