The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize