Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
