I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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