at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
