I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
