My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
