I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
