My first STD was from a foam party
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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