Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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