I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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