I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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