yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
