There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
