Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
