Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
