wat bout pragnant strippers??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
