He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
