why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
