the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
