Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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