I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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