Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
