If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
