dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
