I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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