i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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