Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize