Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
