Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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