1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
