I faked an abortion last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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