my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
