he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there is glitter all over my balls
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