You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
