I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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