I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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