He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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