do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
