laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
