Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
