she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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