Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
