It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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