I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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